Summary: Janet Fraiser’s POV about Jack, Daniel, and Sam over the course of 7 years.
Author Notes: 1. She never died. 2. Quote is one of Janet’s favorites, by Rumi, 13th century. 3. Time frame has been advanced 15 years.
Advisory: This is a Gen fic with Slash and Ship overtones. The former is given a positive spin, the latter isn’t. The reason for this is that I’m a vet. It’s against fraternization regulations. That said, it’s fiction and I’m a J/D fan, not a J/S one.
ADDENDUM: This is now a short series, due solely to the Feedback received. 🙂 This is Chapter One.
Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.
Janet never wrote dates in her journals. The content always spoke for itself. They were for herself, not some clerk who would make copies in a database. Until now, because this was a whole new era for her. A new job. A big change. A whole universe of the bizarre.
Janet relaxed in her favorite corner of the couch, bundled in winter wear comfy clothes with her hair piled on top of her head by combs, and tapped the pen’s clicker against her teeth as she considered the name of her new journal. After a minute, she had decided, and with a bemused smile, wrote:
“Observations in the Abyss.”
“My infirmary is back to normal, though normal is relative. We’ve just experienced a disease that causes the brain to activate all prehistorical, dormant t-cells within the DNA. That’s not just new, it’s beyond imagining except in science fiction (see ST:TNG “Genesis”), and it’s a disease I’ll never be able to share in a paper that could appear in the journals. But my life will now be consumed with changing science fiction into fact. What have I signed myself up for?”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: Find out if there’s a Suggestion Form for women’s class A’s.
“I’ve discerned several cliques. Some of them are automatically created, such as the SG teams and members of different departments. But in my infirmary, there are divisions that I have to deal with and break up. They’ll only serve to alienate and given where we work, I can’t have that. Basically, my nurses and corpsmen have splintered. It’s officers versus enlisted. It’s academy versus Annapolis or West Point. Even Johns Hopkins.
“I’ve come up against sexism with the doctors. They don’t appreciate being passed over and having a woman, and a newbie(I’m not), made CMO. It makes zero sense to me why they should behave like they do, but then male doctors have, by and large, succumbed to this testosterone-flavored brainwashing. We’re not chimps or apes. We’re humans. But they appear to have devolved simply because a woman is now in charge. I am so sick of having to deprogram these people.”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: Get a microwave for my office tout suite.
Janet sighed as she sat on her bed, legs crossed, journal in her lap. In her living room, sleeping on the couch, was Sam Carter, and on the floor, Daniel Jackson.
“These are two people who can become very close friends. Not just with me, but with each other. However, Sam is building a type of hero worship for Colonel O’Neill, and Daniel has a crush. Okay, not a crush because it’s not a typical one. It’s very real, so perhaps it’s love, since he was with the Colonel on Abydos’ first mission. But he’s fond of Sam, that’s for sure. Like a sister, I should add. He’ll play protector, of course, which will annoy Sam and she’ll have to put a stop to it soon or it’ll cause resentment, which is insidious and destructive. Actually, now that I think on it, her hero worship will come up against Daniel’s feelings, and if the Colonel is as smart as I think he is, he’ll see it. It’ll be interesting to see which relationship he’ll cultivate. I see him as a straight man, but only because he was married. That may be an illusion.”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: “Special Citations” for myself and Sam instead of what the men would get had they done the same: medals of commendation. Note to Self: Do Not Take This Out On Anyone Other Than My Superiors, and that does not include any member of SG-1 or base personnel.
“There’s something real between the Colonel and Daniel. The latter knows it; the former doesn’t. Damn shame. Daniel could stand to be with someone who appreciates him, and if he weren’t married, I’d ask him out. It’s maybe not a good idea, but hell, it’s not as if it was unheard of.”
“Spacemonkey. That’s a new one on me. The hug was real for Daniel and a spontaneous irrelevancy for the Colonel. This will be a problem down the line if his internal schisms aren’t resolved. He’s let his defensive wall slip a few times, and the way he looked at Daniel when the latter wasn’t watching was enough for me to know the feelings are there. If only they … but then, my chance would be, in the immortal words of my Dad, a retired Sub Driver, ‘torpedoed.’”
Pet Peeve/To-To: Remind me why the hell I’ve bookmarked a link to the local humane society shelter? Remind me why I won’t get rid of it? It’s pointless. Torturous. I can’t get a cat. My hours suck. So instead, I fill up my private phone with cat videos? This isn’t healthy. But they put a smile on my face, so scratch that.
“I have never once felt afraid of my friends, my patients. Until yesterday, when Daniel’s alternate personality attacked everyone who refused his will. Even Sam. Created by the chemical alteration of his brain due to the effects of the naquadah-driven sarcophagus, this split in his personality will have dire repercussions if we don’t get Daniel professional help while he undergoes withdrawal.
“Unfortunately, someone at the Pentagon has overridden the General’s recommendation and assigned John MacKenzie to oversee base mental health. This is a disaster. While the man is competent, he deals with the abnormal, even criminal, mind. He deals with absolutes. It cannot be overstated that such a thing is not only anathema here at Stargate Command, it’s outright malpractice.
Doctor MacKenzie is ill-equipped to deal with the various diagnoses caused by the frequent unknowns handled here on a weekly, if not daily, basis. It’s one thing to diagnose schizophrenia in a person who has displayed aberrant personality shifts *not* caused by an outside source (sarcophagus/alien threatening the lives of team members). Determining the treatment of symptoms induced by the unknown—never mind by a literal bio-weapon—is not, if I may use a layman’s term, in his wheelhouse.”
(A Matter of Time)
“Colonel Jack O’Neill is one tough SOB. Either that or the man is one hell of a masochist. I lean toward the former. After seeing to his injures, I’ve come home to crash for six hours before I have to go back. He’ll be asleep for that much time, given the medication I gave him to keep him stationary. He has really outdone himself in the injury department. All left atypical ribs were bruised with one slight fracture of the left fourth pulmonary rib; that one’s dangerous.
“Other injuries on his left side, the one that took the brunt of the explosion; cracked clavicle and subdermal bruising; hematoma to the spleen; bruised posterior and medial sections of the right hip muscles just barely avoiding stress of the greater trochanter; and lastly the right gastrocnemius muscle group just below the right knee. The man is going to need a lot of PT, never mind find the patience to go through it all without complaint. It’s going to try mine to the nth degree.
Daniel returned early from the dig with SG-11 to see how the Colonel was doing. Wanted to stay by his bedside but the General sent him back to P2K-597. To say that Daniel was outraged is putting it mildly. Sam and Teal’c were, at best, startled by the order. I was too.
“I’m going to state something here for the record—and to be clear, this journal should be digital with high encryption, but I adore pen writing…
“General Hammond is punishing Colonel Jack O’Neill and Doctor Daniel Jackson for their close friendship. That’s the best way to describe this unnecessary reassignment to P2K-597. The Colonel clearly didn’t like having Daniel sidelined from SG-1. There are others who could have served SG-11 quite well. Daniel’s colleague Doctor Robert Rothman is just one of such individuals recruited to the program.
“To state what I see happening is this: Hammond is seeing a state of homoeroticism that doesn’t exist—not openly. I didn’t want to believe him capable of homophobia, but we all have our minor and major flaws and this is one of his. We aren’t perfect, not by a long shot, but this attitude of his will damage the team and he should know that. I intend to speak with him.”
“General Hammond apologized to us (me, Sam, and Teal’c; Daniel’s still offworld) for our alarm in reassigning Daniel but offered no clarifications or justifications. If Daniel were here, he would be livid.”
“Daniel is returning tomorrow. General Hammond ended the reassignment. He called myself, Sam, Teal’c, and the Colonel into his office, though he spoke to Colonel Jack O’Neill separately after the meeting, and informed us at length about what has been going on behind the scenes regarding The Powers That Be (aka, the homophobes at the Pentagon and in the Vice President’s office, who have seen evidence of a romantic relationship between the Colonel and Daniel. No they haven’t. Daniel and the Colonel have kept things so close to the chest, it’s hard to pick up on a friendship, never mind the non-existent subtext. The only evident relationship anyone sees is the friendship they’ve cultivated from day one four years ago (reminder: Abydos’ year is 18 months, 4 days, and 7 hours in terms of Earth time).
“It appears that the NID has been spying on all of us (ever since the confrontations between Colonel Maybourne, Daniel, and the Colonel. The NID’s field operatives have overactive imaginations. Hammond threatened to put an oversight team on the NID, and miracle of miracles, it forced them to back off.
“In my opinion, we won’t hear the last of this nonsense.”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: nothing to add because the General listened to me. For once, he didn’t ignore me after the standard “I’ll take that under advisement.”
(Into the Fire)
“The members of SG-1 have nine lives. I’m pretty much certain of this. But it’s a proof, not a fact, science-wise.”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: I need to replace my living room carpet. I’ll never get the time unless I go on leave and I can’t do that now.
Sometimes You Just Wanna Kick Someone
(Forever and a Day)
“Shau’re, Daniel’s wife, died yesterday. We’re going to head over to Abydos for the funeral. Daniel is managing. Many people see it as grief, and it is, but it’s more than that. It’s guilt. I think it’s because he blames himself for her implantation, and he blames himself for everything else that’s happened to her since. It’s insane. There’s also guilt because of the feelings I know he has for the Colonel. My heart breaks for him.”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: Get Daniel an old book for Christmas, preferably in Aramaic. I think I know the one.
(Past & Present)
“I could just kill Daniel. I’m so livid. He literally tried to make the Colonel jealous. I can’t prove it. I saw nothing that would indicate it. But I know what I know. The Colonel is no better. He goaded him into it. I heard what he’d said to Daniel offworld. Then in the infirmary. He can’t say things like that and judge Daniel on how he wants to recover from Shau’re’s death.”
Pet Peeve/To-Do: Go to the exit shack/watchtower at the top of the mountain and scream for two minutes.
(Shades of Grey)
“I’ve tried for the last half an hour to write down my thoughts. To say I’m confused, shocked, dismayed, and downright offended by the Colonel’s behavior is the understatement of my entire life. The entire base is disarray; everyone’s thoughts are about what he did. The Hero Who Fights For Alien Alliances is gone. The Hero Who Fights For His Friends has gone. Something is *wrong*. I don’t know what it is, but there’s definitely something hinky going on. This is not normal. Worst of all, it’s Daniel. He won’t talk to me, he’s so mad. The Colonel one-upped his assholery behavior somehow. He’s leaving, too. This is a dark, dark day.”
Twenty-three hours later…
“There are no words.”
No Pet Peeve or To-Do.
“First, I had to rush Daniel into the E.R. because of his appendix, and now the Colonel, Sam, and Teal’c are gone and may be dead. Daniel is outwardly calm but distracted. Inwardly, I know he’s panicking. So am I, to be honest. It feels like the entire base is holding its breath.”
Pet Peeve: To-Do: Bring Daniel home with me for New Year’s. He shouldn’t stay at his apartment alone or on base. I don’t think he’d do anything destructive, such as getting drunk—uncommon lightweight. I’ll use my medical persuasion. It’s becoming useful.
“Something’s wrong. Something happened between the Colonel and Sam while they were on some planet with Teal’c and Thor, awaiting Asgardian rescue. She tells me that nothing happened, but I don’t believe her. Something did. The reason: they’re treating Daniel like a stranger. Sam was one of his best friends, as was the Colonel. They came to see him every day in the infirmary until Thor showed up with a new and scary bad guy: replicators. Metal spiders. I’ve seen it all now. I hope. But something’s wrong. He told me that the Colonel ordered him to blow the ship with him and Teal’c on it. And Daniel did so. When they were rescued, the Colonel didn’t say a word. Last year, he’d have apologized to Daniel for making him do that. Why it was Daniel’s responsibility is another matter entirely and one I’ll bring up with the General later in my meeting.
“Why has the Colonel changed? Why has Sam changed? If they got together, Teal’c won’t say. He’d know. He’s tight-lipped, and while that’s not unusual, he also doesn’t hold back when he has something important to say. Plus there’s that caterpillar on his chin that’s hideous. Something’s wrong with his thinking. If I hadn’t given all of them a clean bill of health, I’d have suspected a clone switch, a la Harlan, and demanded their real selves returned.
“Daniel has noticed the changes too. He was here earlier, sharing dinner and his worries. My idea about his feelings for the Colonel were correct, and he revealed as much to me after Shau’re died. Now he’s trying very hard to convince himself that the distancing, the change in friendly affection from the Colonel, is just another thing he has to adapt to. As if it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. He knows that. He said, ‘I’ll just have to convince myself otherwise because he’s not talking and neither is Sam or Teal’c.’ My poor friend. I’m trying hard not to be mad at the Colonel, Sam, and Teal’c, but it’s so difficult.”
TBC in CHAPTER TWO