…that old black magic had me under its spell…
“Hey, Daniel, it’s me….Daniel, come on, I know you’re there. Pick up.”
Daniel wasn’t answering his home phone or his cell phone. It had been a week since Hathor. Jack was hoping they’d run into her so he could kill the bitch for what she’d done to him. And Daniel.
Jack knew from personal experience what rape was like. He knew Daniel would need help, but not the kind of help the Air Force had offered. For some reason Jack could only guess at, Daniel had shown a great aversion to therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists…anyone who could have helped. Jack didn’t really blame him. Those that had tried to help him with his own trauma, hadn’t, so he could see Daniel’s point.
Then there was the issue of Hathor being female, even if she had the strength of ten men, it hadn’t helped that she was a woman. That old sexist stereotype was hard to break. The mind-control chemical was the only mitigating factor that Jack figured had kept Daniel from becoming unhinged. Especially because, as the days had passed, the chemical had lost a lot of its effectiveness and everyone began to remember. Everything.
Jack wished desperately that Daniel could have forgotten his rape. That he’d somehow could have been spared remembering. A man-on-man rape was one thing, but this was different. This was an evil being behind the facade of a beautiful woman’s face. There was no getting around that. Not with Daniel’s ethics.
Jack could sort of relate, after what had happened in Iraq, being raped by a man who’d used God as his excuse. And Daniel was now doing what Jack had done. Withdrawing.
Jack had to find out a way to let Daniel help him. Somehow. Something. Ironic as he found it, Jack had been trying to get him to talk. But now it was worse. Daniel wasn’t even answering the phone.
Thing was, Jack was also being selfish. He wanted Daniel to listen to him, too. Jack had his own trauma to deal with. HIs own violation. Maybe by helping Daniel, he’d help himself.
The plan he had in mind wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t nice. But it might be effective. He’d used it before… but it had been done to him, not by him. A long time ago, by a friend named Gavin, an SAS man; the only friend Jack had been able to have at the time. He hadn’t been able to talk to Sara. His son had been 3 years old when he’d been taken prisoner. During his captivity, Jack’s nightmares had always been the same, filled with Charlie not knowing who he was and running away, screaming in terror.
Those nightmares disappeared when Jack had come home…and Charlie had seen him walk through the door, and screamed out, “Daddy,” and ran like a bat out of hell toward him. The emotion of the scene had made Jack cry silent tears. He’d wrapped his arms around Charlie and had never wanted to let him go.
Unfortunately for Sara, she couldn’t help. Gavin and Charlie had become Jack’s lifelines and if they hadn’t been there for him, he would have dropped into an angry madness. Having to get over an addiction to opium was one thing, but the emotional damage of torture and rape…It was one of the reasons why Charlie’s death had hit him so hard. His anchor had been taken from him.
Then who should come along to help him out of that despair? A soft-spoken archaeologist named Daniel Jackson. Jack had thought Daniel was weak when they’d met a few years ago. Daniel never raised his voice, except when he was pissed off at Ra. And when he’d taken a blast to the chest for Jack.
Jack still owed him for that. With his life, maybe, but he owed Daniel a chance for friendship and it had taken him a while to admit it. But once Jack decided on something, he stuck with it. And right now was no damn different.
Daniel was suffering. Jack’s plan had to be carried out, even if Daniel hated him for it.
Daniel was sitting on the kitchen floor, leaning against the cabinet under the sink, when Jack called for the third time. Nursing his second glass of bourbon and soda, Daniel knew that soon, Jack would show up in person. The man was like a bulldog; once he got hold of something, he never let it go, and it applied to ‘ideas’ as well as anything else. Sure enough, ten minutes later, there was a knocking on his door. Sighing, Daniel got up to answer it.
“Daniel,” Jack replied. He stared back at his friend and noted the glass of bourbon, the unkempt hair, the lack of glasses, the disheveled, rumpled t-shirt and gym shorts, the bare feet, and he knew then that his plan was needed and needed badly. “Can I come in?”
“I need to be alone for a while,” Daniel said flatly, his eyes looking dull and lifeless. Jack had never seen that look and he hated it.
“Well, too bad, Daniel, ’cause I’m not going away. I’m going to stand here until you let me in.”
Daniel scowled at him, anger rising. “And if I shut the door?”
Jack nodded. “Then I’ll stand here, looking like an ass.”
Gritting his teeth, Daniel turned away and headed back to the kitchen. “You are an ass. And your plan won’t work, so play your games elsewhere.”
Jack stepped inside, watching Daniel’s retreating back as he closed the door. Yes, he knew Daniel would catch on, but Daniel didn’t have a real clue about what Jack planned. In fact, Jack was having second thoughts. But. This needed to get done. Daniel was a talker, and while he held his emotions in check a lot of the time, he didn’t hold them back where Jack was concerned.
And right now, Jack had to help him see the hole he was falling into. He couldn’t allow Daniel to withdraw from the world like he had. Whether Daniel liked it or not. And he most likely wouldn’t like it. At all.
Jack set the large sack he’d brought with him down on the sofa, then walked into the kitchen, frowning when he saw Daniel sitting on the floor. He looked at the liquor on the counter, then the half-empty glass Daniel held. He offered his hand.
“Come on, Daniel. Up off the floor.”
“Go bother someone else, Jack. I’m not in the mood.”
Jack chose his words carefully. “Too bad. You wanna act like a victim, I’m here to help.”
Daniel’s mouth dropped open and he slowly got to his feet. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
Scowling even more, Daniel lifted the glass to his mouth but Jack snatched it out of his hand, spilling the remainder before putting it on the counter behind him. Daniel stared at him, incredulous. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Come on,” Jack said, and he grabbed Daniel’s hand and dragged him, still incredulous, through the dining room and down the steps into the living room.
Daniel ground his jaws together, speechless, watching as Jack pushed the coffee table out of the way before up-ending the sack he’d brought with him. Two pairs of red boxing gloves fell out onto the couch.
“What the hell is up with you?”
“We’re gonna box.”
“Why do you want to box? Feel like hitting me for some reason I don’t know about?”
“No, but you to hit something.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.” He held out a pair to Daniel. “Put these on.”
“Just humor me, please?”
Daniel stood there, staring, not knowing what the hell to do, especially when Jack kicked off his shoes, then his jeans and shirt, stripping down to his underwear. When Jack began to put on the gloves, he arched an expectant brow at Daniel.
“Do it, Daniel,” he ordered.
“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“You need to stop shutting down. I’m here to see you do that. Now, put those damn gloves on.”
“Fuck!” Daniel growled and pulled the gloves on. “Happy? Now, get out.”
“No.” Jack faced him, turning slightly. “Hit me.”
The lines between Daniel’s brows deepened and he resisted. “No.”
“Hit me,” Jack said, tapping Daniel on the jaw with his glove. Daniel’s bangs fell into his eyes at the slight jarring of his head.
“Hit me,” Jack said again, raising his voice as he gave Daniel a punch in the shoulder.
Daniel stared at him, mad as hell now and resenting Jack for making him mad. “What the fuck right do you have to do this?”
“None whatsoever. I’m pushing you.”
“It’s my business, Jack! If I don’t want to deal with my emotions right now, then I won’t. You have no right.” Then Jack hit him, striking him in the chest, and Daniel fell off balance and stumbled backward against the sofa.
“What the hell are you proving?” he yelled, pushing off the couch.
“I’m gonna get you to let go, one way or the other,” Jack said, his hardening, like steel. “You have to stop wallowing in this pit. You have to listen to me. You have to do what I say. Now hit me.”
Daniel gasped out a sound that what half-shock, half-anger. “How dare you act like that?”
“Yes, I am. But I’m not going to rape you. I’m just trying to get you to hit me.”
Daniel’s face drained of all color. “You sonofabitch. You’re acting just like her.”
“Am I?” Jack asked, then narrowed his eyes. “Then do something about it.”
“No,” Daniel said through gritted teeth.
Jack hit him again, making Daniel fall back to the couch. “Get up.”
Daniel got up but before he got to his feet, Jack knocked him back down. “What the hell’s the matter, Daniel? Can’t fight back?”
With a loud howl of anger, Daniel launched up and hit Jack across the jaw, sending him skidding over the coffee table and onto the second sofa. And seeing what he’d done, Daniel began to choke up, hot tears springing to his eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?” he asked quietly.
Jack shook his head, clearing the bell that was ringing. “I can’t let you do what I did,” he said, rolling off the couch and coffee table, coming to stand before his friend. “I can’t.”
Daniel shoved Jack away from him but Jack caught his balance. “Who the fuck do you think you are? What makes you think I can’t handle it? I’m dealing with it my own way, Jack. You are in no position to dictate to me!”
“Tell me, Daniel. Just what the hell am I doing?”
“Fuck you! Since when are you an authority on rape? You can’t help me. Only I can.”
Jack took in a breath. Daniel was right. What made him think Daniel’s method of dealing wasn’t the right way for him? But Daniel had said the right words, the ones Jack needed to hear. Only Daniel could help himself, and he needed to have all the control.
“I know,” Jack said quietly, pulling off his gloves. “You have the control, only you can heal your way, but you’re also not alone. I’ve been there, Daniel.”
“What?” Daniel asked, incredulous and exasperated. He slumped onto the couch, stripping off the gloves and throwing them at Jack. “What the hell is the matter with you? Couldn’t you just tell me that without all the theatrics?”
Jack grinned, rubbing the left side of his chin, wincing at the bruise. There’d be an embarrassing moment with Hammond and Janet after the weekend. He sat down to Daniel’s right and took his hand in his, linking their fingers. “No.” Daniel made a noise of disgust and Jack squeezed and tugged at his hand. “Listen to me. You were withdrawing. I… was afraid for you.”
“Wanna talk about how you know about this?” Daniel asked, not really ready to listen to anything, but if Jack actually wanted to talk about it… well, miracle’s happened more often.
“Not really. Just trust me.”
“You won’t tell me but you expect me to take your word for it?”
Jack sighed, hearing the venom and knowing where it came from. “Daniel, are you ready to talk about what Hathor did?”
Daniel felt a cold shudder. He shook his head, “No.”
“It’s been ten years for me, Daniel, and I had help. A friend, and then Charlie. I’m sorry for assuming, but I think I’m the only one you have.”
Daniel stared at the edge of the coffee table, Jack’s words causing a lump in his throat. His cheeks felt wet and only then did he realize he’d been crying. He irritably wiped his face and told himself not to cry again, especially because of Jack.
“C’mere,” Jack whispered and turned to pull Daniel into a hug. Daniel tried not to cry. He really did. But Jack was rubbing his back and telling him it would all be okay after a while. At least his tears were quiet.
When he realized he was soaking Jack’s t-shirt, he grinned sadly and pulled away, glancing at Jack with embarrassment. “Thanks.”
“No sweat,” Jack told him, clearing his throat. His eyes and cheeks were red and he’d somehow kept himself from crying for Daniel, for himself, for remembering Charlie. He stood up, taking Daniel’s hand again. “Come on. I have another idea.”
Daniel rolled his eyes. “Does it involve violence?”
“Nope. We need a shower.”
Daniel raised an arm and smelled his armpit, then grimaced. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Actually, I like that smell, but the heat from the shower is a tonic and it’s what we need after the weepy thing.”
Daniel sniffed, laughing, and nodded agreement. “I guess.” As he got undressed, Jack threw off his boxers, turned on the shower and stepped inside. Waiting.
Daniel paused, looking at him. Waiting for the shudder of fear. Apprehension was there, a little anxiety, but where was the fear? “I don’t know why we both need to get in.”
“Because you hit me,” Jack said, making Daniel laugh. “But mostly, so I can massage your neck and shoulders.”
Daniel grabbed the edge of the shower curtain as he stepped inside, and suddenly his hand began to shake. He let go and made a fist, scowling at his hand for doing something he hadn’t allowed. When he held out his hand to test its steadiness, it was stable.
“It’ll do that for a while,” Jack told him.
Frowning, Daniel stepped all the way inside the tub, in front of Jack, and placed his hand against the wall. When it began to shake, he snatched his hand back and clenched and unclenched his fingers. “Shit.”
“C’mere,” Jack told him.
They went under the water, letting it cascade over them, and as the steam filled the room and warmed the shower, Jack began to massage the tight muscles along Daniel’s shoulders and neck.
Daniel tried to relax under his touch, and he succeeded partly. He knew he wasn’t going to get over this and he knew he’d need Jack’s help to move on. What bothered him now was Jack’s touch was having another effect on him and Daniel didn’t think he should be reacting like that. He bit his lip, telling his dick to stop reacting, and cussed when it could obey.
“What the matter?” Jack asked.
“I’m seriously disturbed.”
“What in the hell makes you think that?”
Daniel couldn’t say it. Instead, he closed his eyes, turned around and let Jack look down to see for himself. “Told you.”
“That’s normal, Daniel,” Jack told him, a surge of happiness running quickly through him. “And very flattering. It means you trust me.”
Daniel laughed, once, and rather sadly. “That’s good. I don’t feel like I can trust anyone else. Not even Sam or Teal’c. Actually, Teal’c will be a little problem for a while.”
“Cause of junior,” Jack grimaced. “I understand that one completely.”
Daniel sighed and dropped his forehead on Jack’s shoulder. “Then what do I do about this inappropriate feeling?”
“It’s up to you. What do you want to do?”
Daniel reached down and took hold of his cock, hand shaking again as he stroked. “It’s not going to work.”
Jack lifted his chin and kissed him softly. “Try again,” he whispered, then kissed him again, using no tongue, just soft kisses, trying to wind him up slowly. Letting Daniel take what he offered. Or not.
Daniel stroked himself, but it wasn’t getting him anywhere. He wanted… something else. And thought it was wrong. He gave up and sighed, rubbing Jack’s shoulder before turning away. “It’s not gonna work, Jack. I’m sorry.”
“Daniel,” Jack said, caressing his shoulders. “There’s no offense here. No apologies needed. Whatever you want, tell me. Anytime. Just remember that, okay?” Daniel swallowed and gave a short, crisp nod and Jack sensed there was something. This was Daniel hedging. “Is there something?”
“It’s something, and it bothers you to ask?”
“Not a problem. We’ll wait till you’re not bothered.” Jack picked up the liquid soap and began to wash Daniel’s back with the sea sponge.
Daniel let him, indulging in the caresses Jack used to wash him. When they were through, Jack dried him off in the same way and Daniel wondered if the movements were deliberate. To keep him used to caresses? Combined with the emotional lows and the alcohol, Daniel began to feel so relaxed, he grew sleepy.
“I think I need to lie down.”
“Do you want some of those pills Fraiser gave you?”
“No, they’ll only give me a headache when I wake up.”
When Daniel crawled into bed, he asked, “Would you make sure the coffee pot’s off?”
“Rest, Daniel. I got it all covered.” Jack leaned down and kissed him softly on the mouth, leaving Daniel nearly asleep already. When Jack reached the living room, he let out a huge breath and held up his own hand. Which was shaking.
Irritably, Jack pushed the coffee table back where it had been, grabbed one of the beers Daniel kept in the fridge for him, and turned on the TV to find something to take his mind off his own anxieties.
Daniel woke up in the middle of the night, heart racing from images of sex with Jack. Real sex. Fucking.
He sat up, expecting to feel Jack beside him but found himself alone. He didn’t know why Jack should be there. They hadn’t slept together since the first time they’d been intimate. But where was Jack? Did he go home?
Daniel padded out of the bedroom, glancing to his left and finding the kitchen dark but for the stove light. He walked softly through the dining room and down into the living room, finding the TV going but muted, and Jack lying on the couch in his underwear, fast asleep, holding the remote.
Daniel couldn’t help but shake his head. With a sigh, he squatted down and touched Jack’s arm carefully. “Jack.”
Jack’s eyes opened immediately, staring at him, then they went wide. “Something wrong?” Jack asked, sitting up, eyes going wider when he saw that Daniel was still naked.
Daniel stood up and held out his hand as he turned toward the kitchen. “C’mon, Jack. Come sleep in a real bed.”
“You’re sure?” Jack asked.
“Don’t be an ass. C’mon.”
Jack grinned and took Daniel’s hand and let himself be led into the bedroom. “On the left, Jack,” Daniel pointed as he crawled back under the covers.
“You want the door closed?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, close the door.”
Taking care of that, Jack crawled into bed and when his legs touched Daniel’s, he said, “Sorry.”
Daniel turned over and frowned at him. “For what?”
Rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh, Daniel grabbed Jack’s arm and pulled it over him as he rolled away from him, forcing Jack to spoon behind him. “I want you here,” Daniel whispered.
“Okay,” Jack murmured. In seconds, he was back asleep, more relaxed than he’d been in a while. And he wondered why he wasn’t freaking by the intimate contact.
Daniel woke again, knowing it was early morning. He’d been dreaming again, of Jack and sex, and his dick was so damn hard. It felt like some sort of victory. But would it stay that way if he asked Jack to touch him? Maybe he should try touching Jack first.
The warmth and scent of Jack, however, only amped up Daniel’s morning desire.
“What’s up?” Jack asked, grinning sleepily.
“I am,” Daniel whispered before climbing on top of Jack and kissing him. Jack groaned into his mouth and tentatively put his hands on Daniel’s back, sliding down to his ass. “Yes,” was the response.
Jack pulled and Daniel obliged, rubbing against him slowly, then faster and more frantically as his orgasm approached. “Slow down,” Jack told him.
“No, I need…” Daniel panted, and suddenly sat up and grabbed Jack’s hand, placing it around his leaking cock. “Please,” he gasped.
Jack groaned and pulled Daniel forward. “I gotta better idea.” He guided Daniel’s dick to his mouth and Daniel grabbed the headboard and carefully slid in and out of Jack’s mouth.
“Jack,” he whispered, tone desperate, and Jack moaned around the head and sucked, hard. “Taste me, everywhere,” Daniel told him, and Jack figured out what he meant. Grabbing his hips, Jack guided Daniel backward and turned him over, before he began to probe his ass with his tongue while he wrapped his fingers around his cock. Between strokes from his hand and plunges from his tongue, Daniel came hard, grabbing the bed and nearly ripping his sheet.
“Jesus,” he mumbled into the blanket. “Jesusjesusjesus.”
Pleased as hell, Jack pulled Daniel into his arms, holding him tightly, without saying anything until Daniel was ready. Five minutes later, Daniel pushed him onto his back and proceeded to kiss the hell out of him before returning the favor. Jack tried like hell not to break the headboard when Daniel used his tongue in his ass with incredible ability. All Jack wanted at the moment was Daniel’s cock in his ass and the thought made him come off like a rocket.
“What were you thinking when you came?” Daniel asked as they lay together after.
Jack cleared his throat. “You fucking me.”
Daniel nodded. “I’m surprised we haven’t already.”
“Slow and steady is sometimes better, Daniel. There’s no need to rush this.”
Daniel turned around, spooning again, and held Jack’s arm to his chest. “Next time.”
“Next time?” Jack asked, surprised, a flurry of butterflies starting in his belly.
Daniel looked over his shoulder, turning slightly. “I think this is a relationship, Jack. What do you think?”
Jack’s answer was a deep kiss. He didn’t know how else to answer. Not yet, anyway.